the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
