He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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