doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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