i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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