yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
