i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
