Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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