FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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