OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
