i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
