This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
