He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
