4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
