My first STD was from a foam party
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How's work?
Spinning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
