dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
