I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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