you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
