dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
