I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
