woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
