Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
