wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
