i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
