I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
