Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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