loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
