I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
