Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
