"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize