I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
