ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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