I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
