Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
