I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
