I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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