too bad you live with your parents still
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
