You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
