As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
