he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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