Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
