I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
