The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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