So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
