never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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