smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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