And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
