She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
