i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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