Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
