If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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