I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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