I am puke
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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