Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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