i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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