i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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