just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
