and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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