i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
