I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
