Everything about him screamed your future.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
