Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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