I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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