The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
