i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I could make wine with my vomit
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
