I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
