um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
