Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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