I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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