I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We're too hungover to prance.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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