is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
