I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
