Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
