Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
