remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
