i would punch a child for taco bell
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
