Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize