Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
