Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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