She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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